Mission Impossible?

Have you ever been asked by God to do something outrageous? From time to time God asks me with this overwhelming stirring of compassion in my heart for unexpected people to do random things. It comes out of the blue and it is not really all that frequent- I mean there are the daily things that fall into my job title and meeting the needs of the youth and families God has blessed me with. But that is not what I am talking about. Sometimes I KNOW I am supposed to do something that is a bit too uncomfortable. Like pull over and ask someone if they are ok that is just walking down the road that kind of thing. Usually even though it is extremely awkward I am obedient. But not always. For some reason all day today my mind has been drifting back to a time recently that I was not obedient to that voice in my heart. Maybe because I am reading through Ezekiel and man; he did what God asked- no matter how crazy it seemed or… Perhaps because in Sunday School this morning I taught on being obedient to God’s voice. I spontaneously shared this story with my teens because I think it is important that kids get that I and other grown-ups are real-imperfect and that we struggle too.

So it all started on a train in DC. I was coming back from my first tourist day out on my own in the big city. The train stopped at the Pentagon and several military folks got on in all their gear. I have to admit whenever I see someone from the military especially in their desert camouflage I am overwhelmed with their commitment and sacrifice. So much so that I am nearly overcome with emotion every time.

This time was no different. I looked at each of them and said a quick prayer for each of them- silently between me and God as I glanced at them. As I glanced at the guy across from me and began to say a prayer our eyes locked for just a moment. All of a sudden, I saw him differently. He was still looking as normal as when he got on the train but now I saw in his heart. He was hurting and broken-though I am sure no one else noticed at all.

And God clearly said to me… tell him “I care”. That was it.

I had this conversation and then argument with God… That is all that came to my heart and I knew that is all I needed to say. But I continued to be conflicted. He is going to think I am crazy. He is going to think I am just a flirty girl- I guess I forgot to mention that he was about my age and is quite possibly the most handsome man I have ever seen in my life. He was the kind of attractive that could never be manufactured in Hollywood. You could see in his eyes that he had experienced the best and worst in life. He was the kind of man that you knew you should salute- not overbearing or proud but honest and faithful. He was in his pilot gear with lots of badges and stars on his jacket. His duffle bag had a special forces-yellow jackets patch. He was the epitome of my definition of a hero. So anyways…. He was hot.

My heart was broken for him and God just pressed heavier on my heart this mans grief. Our eyes kept connecting and I know, he knew I saw trough him to his broken heart. Still I was glued to my seat. God kept saying just tell him “I care”. So I bargained- God the train is so crowded- I don’t want to embarrass him- other military folks are all around and the train is so quiet- (it seemed everyone on the train had hushed in honor of these American heroes in our midst- although I am sure that is a daily routine at that stop.) So I said to God if you really want me to say something have him get off at my stop. My stop came- he got up. OH GOD! Seriously- you mean it. He was quicker than I- but he did slow and turn around and look right at me, if I would have just raised my voice a little and said wait up but my voice would not come. I half-heartedly tried to catch up but it was crowded and I had not got my ticket out to feed through the machine to get back- out- we do not have to do that on our trains. I even had one more chance as he stood in a short line to get on a connecting bus. But I didn’t. If only he were ugly, or even plain, I think I would have had the courage.

I look back and feel like I was given a test and failed. And I wonder. Why did God so desperately want me to tell that man he cared? To think that God cares that much about us that he pursues us through other people. I wonder if God asked someone else to communicate that to him- and if they were obedient. I wonder what this world would look like if we were more obedient to care for each other like God commands us to. His pursuing love is too much to fathom. I am praying that I will be more obedient to Gods voice in the future. It is easier for me to listen and love the especially needy, but those who seem to have it all together it is hard- I guess it comes down to pride. I want to have the kind of faith that will be a fool for Jesus. I mean looking back on it, it is pretty foolish that I did not care more of God’s opinion of me than some stranger-albeit attractive stranger that I would never see again in my life.

Thank God for Grace- I know I blew it- but I know God still loves me deeply. And it is not as if the entire kingdom is wrapped up on me- I know God can accomplish what he wants to in that mans life or any other -with or without me. But…. To pass up an opportunity to join forces with God on a mission to transform a life- well that is my loss. Life will certainly go on but I missed a special blessing.