overload!

So I am now closer to 40 than I am to 30. Time certainly does fly! I had a great day- I worked all day but I love my job so that’s not such a bad thing. It was fun receiving birthday wishes from old and new friends! Facebook is a pretty nifty thing in my world-catching up with friends I have not seen in 18 years is pretty cool! Even getting to know some “acquaintances” a little better is fun.

I am still running on crazy trying to get all my work done. Ok though seriously I must have ADD and I wonder if I will ever complete this project. As a youth director distractions come and I must set aside my paper “work” to do my people “work”. However lately I have been looking for any I mean ANY distraction. I have to focus and get this done, I must.

It does not help that I am in meetings like 7 hours a day that have little or nothing to do with this project. Then the kids programs come in the evenings so not much progress. Oh yeah and I am a mom and wife- I try to fit that in J I think my boys might be trying to get a paycheck for all the time they are spending at the church! Tomorrow-same story 7-9:30am Chamber of commerce meeting, 10 I have to be in Portland for a meeting 12 I have lunch meeting with an advisory council member, 2:30-4:30 I have a community meeting and then…. At 6 all the young adults are coming over for dinner and games. Sometime in there I have to clean my house! We have not been home this week at all- this is gross but there are still dishes in the sink from Jeremiahs birthday dinner on Saturday! Sooooo…..I am a little overbooked. Most of the young adults know me and have seen my house messy so I am not too worried about it. I do need to at least get the dishes cleaned and the floors swept.

Good thing I love my life.

bD4k0u

I am trying to get back in to a routine with this thing. Today was overall a pretty good day. We had a Looooong week last week and the boys got to bed late every night including last night and Zachariah was up with a bad stomach ache throughout the night. So I kept them home from school today to regroup. Zachariah was still up as usual at 6:00 even though he had not slept hardly at all the night before. Jeremiah slept in till about 7:30 so that was good.

It was nice not having to rush this morning to get all of us out of the house in time. I just had to get me ready, that is a very nice start to a day! I had a meeting in downtown Portland and I really do not like going down there so I left much earlier than necessary and made it just in time after getting all turned around with all the one ways and finding parking! The meeting was quite informative and now I have no legitimate excuses to not pursue this grant I have been researching for awhile now! It is by far the most advanced project I have ever attempted and I am completely intimidated. The chances of us getting it are probably pretty slim but I am going for it anyways- with some help from friends..(Kim if you are reading this that is you!) That will pretty much be my life till March 2nd when it is due. If we get it, it will fund the entire program I have been working so long and hard to get going!

On my way back from that meeting I got a call and I have to be vague because it is not completely official but we were selected to receive a grant for 25,000 that I had applied for awhile back! That one was way easy- especially compared to the current proposal- of course the potential return on the investment of my time is far greater.

Anyways I am sure that is boring stuff to everyone else but to me it is GREAT News! On to other stuff… hmmm…. Well my high school youth group was really good tonight good group and a great energy tonight!

Wow am I seriously this boring. I am trying to think of one thing that would be interesting to someone other than me. Oh- (not particularly interesting) but man I struggle with those stupid capche things! I think I may need to click on the handicap thing because seriously it takes me at least 4 tries every single time. Maybe I am dyslectic?

Mission Impossible?

Have you ever been asked by God to do something outrageous? From time to time God asks me with this overwhelming stirring of compassion in my heart for unexpected people to do random things. It comes out of the blue and it is not really all that frequent- I mean there are the daily things that fall into my job title and meeting the needs of the youth and families God has blessed me with. But that is not what I am talking about. Sometimes I KNOW I am supposed to do something that is a bit too uncomfortable. Like pull over and ask someone if they are ok that is just walking down the road that kind of thing. Usually even though it is extremely awkward I am obedient. But not always. For some reason all day today my mind has been drifting back to a time recently that I was not obedient to that voice in my heart. Maybe because I am reading through Ezekiel and man; he did what God asked- no matter how crazy it seemed or… Perhaps because in Sunday School this morning I taught on being obedient to God’s voice. I spontaneously shared this story with my teens because I think it is important that kids get that I and other grown-ups are real-imperfect and that we struggle too.

So it all started on a train in DC. I was coming back from my first tourist day out on my own in the big city. The train stopped at the Pentagon and several military folks got on in all their gear. I have to admit whenever I see someone from the military especially in their desert camouflage I am overwhelmed with their commitment and sacrifice. So much so that I am nearly overcome with emotion every time.

This time was no different. I looked at each of them and said a quick prayer for each of them- silently between me and God as I glanced at them. As I glanced at the guy across from me and began to say a prayer our eyes locked for just a moment. All of a sudden, I saw him differently. He was still looking as normal as when he got on the train but now I saw in his heart. He was hurting and broken-though I am sure no one else noticed at all.

And God clearly said to me… tell him “I care”. That was it.

I had this conversation and then argument with God… That is all that came to my heart and I knew that is all I needed to say. But I continued to be conflicted. He is going to think I am crazy. He is going to think I am just a flirty girl- I guess I forgot to mention that he was about my age and is quite possibly the most handsome man I have ever seen in my life. He was the kind of attractive that could never be manufactured in Hollywood. You could see in his eyes that he had experienced the best and worst in life. He was the kind of man that you knew you should salute- not overbearing or proud but honest and faithful. He was in his pilot gear with lots of badges and stars on his jacket. His duffle bag had a special forces-yellow jackets patch. He was the epitome of my definition of a hero. So anyways…. He was hot.

My heart was broken for him and God just pressed heavier on my heart this mans grief. Our eyes kept connecting and I know, he knew I saw trough him to his broken heart. Still I was glued to my seat. God kept saying just tell him “I care”. So I bargained- God the train is so crowded- I don’t want to embarrass him- other military folks are all around and the train is so quiet- (it seemed everyone on the train had hushed in honor of these American heroes in our midst- although I am sure that is a daily routine at that stop.) So I said to God if you really want me to say something have him get off at my stop. My stop came- he got up. OH GOD! Seriously- you mean it. He was quicker than I- but he did slow and turn around and look right at me, if I would have just raised my voice a little and said wait up but my voice would not come. I half-heartedly tried to catch up but it was crowded and I had not got my ticket out to feed through the machine to get back- out- we do not have to do that on our trains. I even had one more chance as he stood in a short line to get on a connecting bus. But I didn’t. If only he were ugly, or even plain, I think I would have had the courage.

I look back and feel like I was given a test and failed. And I wonder. Why did God so desperately want me to tell that man he cared? To think that God cares that much about us that he pursues us through other people. I wonder if God asked someone else to communicate that to him- and if they were obedient. I wonder what this world would look like if we were more obedient to care for each other like God commands us to. His pursuing love is too much to fathom. I am praying that I will be more obedient to Gods voice in the future. It is easier for me to listen and love the especially needy, but those who seem to have it all together it is hard- I guess it comes down to pride. I want to have the kind of faith that will be a fool for Jesus. I mean looking back on it, it is pretty foolish that I did not care more of God’s opinion of me than some stranger-albeit attractive stranger that I would never see again in my life.

Thank God for Grace- I know I blew it- but I know God still loves me deeply. And it is not as if the entire kingdom is wrapped up on me- I know God can accomplish what he wants to in that mans life or any other -with or without me. But…. To pass up an opportunity to join forces with God on a mission to transform a life- well that is my loss. Life will certainly go on but I missed a special blessing.

February-week one.

So I have been a blogging loser lately! I pretty much have no life lately, but there were a couple of interesting things last week so I will review…
Monday- Had an all day advisory council meeting to develop our 5 year strategic plan for our capital campaign. I have to say it was ok- our AC is getting a bit more engaged which is good. I however was frustrated by our overall lack of preparedness- I could bore you with a lot of details of how several people dropped the ball in preparation for this important meeting but will spare you. After our council left we as a staff, local and DHQ sat around and discussed how it went. Everyone seemed to think it was WONDERFUL! I tried to keep quiet and stay polite but… someone asked me a direct question and… well I spoke the honest truth as tactfully- (at least at first) as I possibly could. There were several things our “team” should have been prepared with and to me it was embarrassing to not have answers to basic questions like how much money we have in the bank for the project! So I think I am on the naughty list at DHQ for the time being. I went home from that picked up the boys and I just could not shake my insanely irritated mood. Poor Tabitha had stopped buy and I just couldn’t even pretend to not be stressed out. I visited for a little bit- but was not very social, she had some homework so I sent myself to my room for a 30 minute time-out to pull myself together and move on! That mostly worked, I hung out for another 30 minutes with the kids and then headed to another meeting, from their to my Monday night high school youth group. Man that is a challenge sometimes to completely put yourself away and have fun with kids when you just do not feel like it. I did and I had fun so I am glad I had to go! I got home at 10:30 after a 7:00am start at work so I read a little in Ezekiel and then went to bed.

Tuesday
Another ALL DAY meeting! Bummer. – slightly less stressful than the day before though. Worked on some projects while the boys had music lessons at the church. Got home, had dinner. Read more in Ezekiel- that dude was committed- makes me feel like a total wimp whining about the little things God asks me to do. I mean seriously can you imagine God asking you to lay on your side for 430 days and only eat a piece of bread cooked over manure each day? I want that kind of commitment. (I don’t want that job though!) Story found in Ezekiel 4.

Wednesday
Well today was special indeed. Jeremiah turned 7. I cannot believe my baby is 7! He is such an amazing little guy and I thank God every day for him. His little personality is so sweet. He is such a people guy and it is fun to see how he just brightens up wherever he is. After youth programs we went out to his favorite restaurant- Road House Grill- where you can throw peanut shells on the ground! Had a nice dinner together, got home late and read and then went to bed.

Thursday
Went to lunch with my good friend Whitney. We went to the restaurant of one of our advisory council members and ran into a quite a few community folks it was a pretty much a whose who of our city. The mayor, police chief, city councilor, -none of which were there together and our corps officers and Judy the owner of the restaurant! Whitney shared with me how they hunt for wolves in Canada- now I am traumatized.
Picked up the boys and heard some talk on the radio of open auditions going on for an upcoming movie with Harrison Ford and Brendan Frasier being filmed in Portland. They were looking for 2 boys aged 7 and 9 and you could come down and have their photo taken and fill out a paper and maybe they would call you and walllaaa movie stars! The boys heard and quickly decided that they wanted to be movie stars because then they would have enough money to buy whatever ipod they wanted! So we headed down to “audition” – with about 1400 other boys! GOOD GRIEF! I am almost embarrassed to admit we stood in line outside in the cold for over 5 hours to have their picture taken! Zachariah wanted to quit about 2 hours in but Jeremiah was determined! So we stayed. They finally got their photo at 10pm! They were both cranky by then and lets just say I am pretty sure that was reflected in their photos. I am not really expecting a phone call. Oh well it was an experience. Met some other nice parents whose kids like mine really wanted a shot. And some psycho parents who really wanted for their kids- kids not so much.

Friday
Sore throat, exhausted. Skipped my 7am meeting that I have EVERY Friday! Took Donald to work because he had his eyes dilated. I worked from home researching grant info and developing the budget in required format. Picked up the boys, picked up Donald and we went pre-shopping for food for our church event Sunday. Priced a bunch of food. Headed out to a few more stores to get Jeremiah’s birthday gift- a new bike without training wheels! Found the perfect one. Came home- it was late. Chilled read and went to bed.

Saturday
Slept in a little… Thank you JESUS! Took care of a few errands… dry cleaners, shopping- Costco for event. We then went to a few animal shelters to check out the dogs. We are thinking about getting a second dog as ours gets lonely and is very social.
Tried going on a bike ride. I will just say Jeremiah may take a while to master 2 wheels. I think we were somewhat expecting him to just get on his bike and go like Zachariah- Not so much! Had a little family celebration for Jeremiah’s birthday with dinner of his choosing (breakfast feast) and then went downstairs for movie and popcorn. The boys had never seen “Back to the Future” so that was great!

Sunday
Well here we are. I left the house this morning at 8 and got home tonight at 9. It was a LONG but good day. I had our teen youth groups and bible bowl as always after church and then most of the teens stayed to help with childcare for a metro united meeting that we hosted. It all went well but most of our main volunteers for things like that were sick or out of town so we had very little help. It was pretty thrown together but I don’t think anyone but us noticed! It all came together quite nicely and no one was the wiser. Next time we definitely need to plan for more help! I am supposed to be doing some last minute cramming for a bidders meeting for the grant tomorrow. I guess I was looking for a diversion. But must get back to it. Goodnight- or to Ed good morning!